We love Overwatch. So we assembled 22 of our best writers and set them to work—a writer to jump into the skin (or robotic shell) of each character. The result is 22 odes. You can use the “Overwatch odes” tag to leaf through them all, or use the handy list at the bottom of this post.
My sister is quiet, bookish—a nerd, a dork. She’s reserved. Shy. But when you set her off, she’s brutal. If I wanted to use the computer as a kid and my sister was already on it, I might just crawl under our parent’s heavy wooden desk and snatch the power cord straight from the wall. One time, she grabbed a bottle of cleaning solution that sat nearby the computer as I clamored to get out from underneath the desk. I dared her to spray me in the face. I knew she wouldn’t. She did—but then she apologized. She reminds me of Mei.
Sorry! Sorry, I’m sorry. Sorry. Mei was stuck in Antarctica in cryostasis for a whole bunch of years. The rest of her team died; she was the only survivor. It makes sense that her heart is a little cold. Maybe she feels a little guilty when she sends an icicle through your eye—maybe she doesn’t.
Mei’s abilities are pretty unique in the world of hero-based shooters; her Endothermic Blaster is a relatively short-range weapon that shoots frost. The frost damages, slows, and eventually freezes enemies into cold, icy statues. Once they’re frozen, it’s a particularly good idea for Mei to whip out her secondary weapon, the Icicle gun, and land one final killing blow. The Chinese scientist also has the ability to enter Cyro-Freeze on command—where she can’t take damage and heals herself—though why she’d want to revisit that horrific past is beyond me.
Mei’s also got the Ice Wall, which is probably the most annoying of all her abilities—for both teams, especially if you’ve got a bad Mei. (I’d like to take this time to apologize for all the times I’ve blocked my own team from making good plays while using Mei’s Ice Wall. Sorry! Sorry, I’m sorry. Sorry.)
She’s got an adorable little weather drone that is used during her Ultimate—Blizzard. Its name is Snowball. Like Mei, Snowball has a pretty powerful core hidden beneath its goddamn cute veneer. Stick around too long after Mei deploys Snowball, and, uh, you’ll get frozen in place. Likely taken out. Mei the odds be ever in your favor. (Sorry, again.)
Genji – Genji is with you
McCree – Who you kidding? McCree is Overwatch‘s true shooter
Pharah – Don’t play fair, play Pharah, exclusively
Reaper – In defense of Reaper, the patron saint of mall-goth teens
Soldier 76 – Soldier 76 is here to make everyone else look good
Tracer – A series of limericks about Tracer, because why not
Bastion – Bastion is the machine pointed at the world
Hanzo – Hanzo “looks like a good man,” my Japanese mom raves
Junkrat – I have fallen in love with Junkrat
Torbjörn – An ode to hard-working, salt-of-the-earth Torbjörn
Widowmaker – Widowmaker made a widow of me
D.Va – An ode to D.Va, the sassiest dream girl this side of Overwatch
Reinhardt – An ode to Reinhardt, tortured scion of a broken land
Roadhog – An ode to Roadhog is an ode to ugliness
Winston – Winston, the Science Gorilla, is in charge
Zarya – Zarya makes Mother Russia her bitch
Ana – Ana is the protective mother we all want
Lucio – Inside the idiot party-bubble of Lucio
Mercy – Mercy is the most terrifying character in Overwatch
Symmetra – Go ahead, sleep on Symmetra
Zenyatta – Praise be to Zenyatta, then chill the heck out