We interrupt our bite-sized game reportage to report on a national emergency that you probably didn’t realize even existed. Someone made scotch in a can and called it Scottish Spirits. Each can costs five dollars and contains about eight shots of liquor. About ten minutes after the product made its debut, the FDA became concerned about it. All we can do as of now is watch nervously as the debate around the non-resealable harbingers of alcohol-based death swirls to a fever pitch.
But here’s the thing. It’s still just Scotch. Who cares what it comes in? The content is the same regardless of the product’s carrier. They sold the special edition of Gears of War 2 in a can and nobody complained. There’s a store in my neighborhood that sells watches in a can and it seems pretty natural. They made cheeseburgers in a can, and it seemed less natural. Everybody just freaks out about Can Scotch because you can’t reseal the cans. If the medium is the message, the message of Scotch is still “scotch.” Or is it “drunk?” It sure as hell isn’t “can.”
As William Wallace once said, “Our enemies may take our lives, but they’ll never take our Scotch (in a can).”