It’s very likely that I fucked a building last night. Now, hold up, I don’t know if I did. We hooked up and then I’m not sure what happened. Unfortunately, the erotic architecture dating sim Tectr doesn’t go beyond depicting your conversation with hot local masonry on a Tinder-style app, and into the awkward realm of human-building coitus. That is an idea for a sequel, though…
What this means is I told a horny panopticon that I would push my naked body against a dirty suburb window so it could watch, it then accepted, and I opened “Maps” to find the location at which this would go down. That’s where the game ends—signing off with the cheeky message “Have fun.” You’re not always this lucky. There are a range of potential suitors on Tectr, each with their own personality: one will send you unsolicited pictures of its grimy basement, another will tell you to touch yourself, and the skyscraper known as “Erector” won’t respond at all when you say its rock-hard foundation makes you wet. There is a lot of dating app humor to be found here.
All this might seem pretty wild, but as far as dating sims go, Tectr is actually one of the less shocking. There is a horse dating sim, a pigeon dating sim, a skeleton dating sim, and in each of these you play as a human. Yup. Japan is ruler of the dating sim, though, as proven by its many entries, which include an Egyptian god dating sim, one about dating buff grannies, and another that has you dating a Japanese zoo’s particularly beefy gorilla.
But, unlike a lot of dating sims made recently, Tectr isn’t competing in the race to be the most bizarre of them all. It is instead rooted in its creators’ passion for architecture. I know that at least one of the four of them, Clarris Cyarron, studied architecture and has admitted that she has “weird ideas” about it. Hence my suspicion that the idea for Tectr was born in her. Whether these “weird ideas” of hers go so far as to include what the internet proudly deems “architecture porn” I have no idea. But it’s likely.
Architecture porn has existed mostly in two forms. First, there’s the “building which appears to look like a couple having sex” variety. That’s the more obvious and juvenile one; the architect’s blown-up version of the world’s ubiquitous dick-and-balls graffiti. Although, hold back your judgment before you smite it from your perch: the creators of “Domestikator,” as it’s called, claim that their doggy-style hotel was made to demonstrate “the power of humanity over the natural world.” Sure, sure, let’s politely laugh and move on.
The other, and more common, type of architecture porn is a little more muted. It’s an activity that involves seeking out images of buildings and seeing which ones make you groan. There are subreddits and Tumblrs dedicated to this—the former of which identifies its purpose as sharing “the beautiful impossibilities that we want to live in.” There is desire here. There is want. The people who frequent these forums and seek out these images are out to find architectural orgasm. All Tectr does is return that lust, stating that its buildings “want you inside them.” So go ahead, slip cement into their crevices, varnish those angular forms, you dirty beast.
You can download Tectr over on itch.io.