Gamers and other humans are understandably disgusted by the special edition of Dead Island: Riptide that comes packaged with a figurine of the legless, armless, headless, rock-breasted body of a zombie victim (no I will not include a picture of it), which publisher Deep Silver calls “a striking conversation piece.” Yes, the figurine is a preposterously misogynst crime against taste and common sense. And yet! Deep Silver may have done the human race a real favor with this blasphemy. Bear with me.

So, let’s start with the premise that whoever is awful enough to purchase this “special” edition would likely take Deep Silver’s advice and actually display the figurine in his or her home/domicile/basement/lair. Now let’s suppose, for the sake of argument, that this person has actually convinced a person of the opposite sex to accompany them back to their home/domicile/basement/lair (unlikely, I know). Upon entering, the person of the opposite sex sees the figurine and flees, and potentially spreads the word to his or her entire peer network about the figurine. It’s like a talisman, given from above, to ensure that the worst of us don’t reproduce! It’s non-surgical sterilization.

The only way my theory falls apart is if two people who can have fertile offspring both like the figurine. In that case, I’ll be in my bunker.