Look at this guy. David Roentgen was a German cabinetmaker born 270 years ago. He appears to have a powdered wig, or at least old-timey curls in his hair. Check the gold frame on his portrait, etc. There is nothing cool about David Roentgen. 

And yet: David Roentgen is apparently the shit, because the cabinets he made 270 years ago were apparently the freshest cabinets in history, full of hidden compartments, levers and pulleys to transform the creaking pieces of wood right before your eyes. David Roentgen was the Lebron James of cabinetry. Check out this video of a “gaming table” he made:

What the fuck is that? Why is there a storage place for the legs? What is this guy, Jony Ive? Compared to this gaming table, all our battlestations are shitty battlestations. 

Here’s another video of a Roentgen piece that is basically designed to embarrass every shitty piece of wood any of us own. The moment when the reading table pops out toward the end? You’re clowning, David Roentgen.

I can see why Marie Antoinette (commonly referred to as “the Kanye West of the 18th century”) hired David Roentgen to make her own personal cabinetry. Only the best for Marie Antoinette! And David Roentgen was indeed the best, the GOAT, the one cabinetmaker to rule them all. David Roentgen, I love you.

h/t to Core 77