Review: Dance Central 2

Dance Central 2 is not an easy game to review. It’s a game in which your Kinect measures how well you can dance. Your love for this game will be directly proportional to your love of dancing. If you’re still on the fence, here’s how the game makes you move when you’re not even dancing. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

The Anyong. Wave your right hand toward your left. You are trying to start the round. The game may or may not acknowledge your hands.

The Herman Cain. Start with your hands at your hips. Thrust hips forward. Switch directions. Thrust hips forward.

The Separate but Equal. (Eastern European variant: The Accusation.) Prove that you are better than your rival by pointing at their chest while sliding back and forth. Your feet should not leave the ground.

The Ringbearer. Put one hand on your hips and another at shoulder height. Wave your hand back and forth like you are Beyonce in the “Single Ladies” music video.

The Church Bell. With your hands flared out at your sides, move your hips from side to side. Move your head around as if you were a bobblehead doll.

The Breather. Sit down. Read a magazine. Dance Central 2 wants you to do this if you are tired.

The Haters Gonna Hate. Take your left arm and move it in a large circle in front of your body while stepping forward with the opposite foot. Switch sides.

The Wild Rumpus. Put your hands above your head. Lean forward to the left. Kick with your right foot. Bring your hands down to chest level in a pounding motion.

The Laxative. Swing both of your arms out at the same time. Now bring them in to thump your chest. Then, raise both of your hands above your head like you are lifting weights. 

The Reparation. Accidentally hit your roommate while doing the Laxative, because you live in New York and there isn’t that much space in your living room. Apologize profusely.

The Travolta. Take your index finger and point it above your head. Point to the right twice, and then point to the left twice. You should slide from side to side while doing this.

The Emergency Landing. Reach for the sky with your hands. Your knees and feet should be aligned with your shoulders. Pull your hands to your knees while thrusting your knees forward.

The Summer Respite. Momentarily give up. Breathe. Go to your coffee table and drink some water. Take a sip. Breathe. Go back to playing Dance Central 2.


Illustrations by Juan Carlos Solon