We love Overwatch. So we assembled 22 of our best writers and set them to work—a writer to jump into the skin (or robotic shell) of each character. The result is 22 odes. You can use the “Overwatch odes” tag to leaf through them all, or use the handy list at the bottom of this post.
I’m sure numerous articles are written
‘Bout Overwatch’s most lovable Briton.
But this one’s in verse,
Though I’ll keep it quite terse
So it doesn’t come across weird and smitten.
Tracer’s story begins when a technical complication
Caused her to suffer a temporal palpitation.
Her time stream had gone wonky
Until a scientist monkey
Built her an outfit for chronal regulation.
That story’s just setup, of course.
(And full disclosure: a fan wiki’s my source)
It’s her speed on the map
That matters most in a scrap.
Hell, she’s the heart of the Overwatch force.
She’s not one for a slow life of leisure.
Run-and-gun is her claim to pleasure.
She blinks from here to there,
Turns back time á la Cher,
Dropping quips and bodies in equal measure.
She’s character-built to harass
Or to dart through defenses and trespass
Over enemy lines
And lay down some pulse mines
To be a general pain in the ass.
In fact that’s what I dig about Tracer.
She’s a pest, getting players to chase her
‘Round the map all distracted
While their cargo’s extracted.
There’s simply no one to outpace her.
Unless, of course, she gets caught unawares
By an ambush, or worse, one of those snares
That Junkrat can lay down.
And if a turret’s around,
Tracer hasn’t the sincerest of prayers.
Nevertheless, her abilities outshine
Any other favorite of mine.
And if I could control time,
I would undo this rhyme
And end with a more clever line.
Genji – Genji is with you
McCree – Who you kidding? McCree is Overwatch‘s true shooter
Pharah – Don’t play fair, play Pharah, exclusively
Reaper – In defense of Reaper, the patron saint of mall-goth teens
Soldier 76 – Soldier 76 is here to make everyone else look good
Bastion – Bastion is the machine pointed at the world
Hanzo – Hanzo “looks like a good man,” my Japanese mom raves
Junkrat – I have fallen in love with Junkrat
Mei – Here comes Mei, the badass nerd hell-bent on revenge
Torbjörn – An ode to hard-working, salt-of-the-earth Torbjörn
Widowmaker – Widowmaker made a widow of me
D.Va – An ode to D.Va, the sassiest dream girl this side of Overwatch
Reinhardt – An ode to Reinhardt, tortured scion of a broken land
Roadhog – An ode to Roadhog is an ode to ugliness
Winston – Winston, the Science Gorilla, is in charge
Zarya – Zarya makes Mother Russia her bitch
Ana – Ana is the protective mother we all want
Lucio – Inside the idiot party-bubble of Lucio
Mercy – Mercy is the most terrifying character in Overwatch
Symmetra – Go ahead, sleep on Symmetra
Zenyatta – Praise be to Zenyatta, then chill the heck out