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News

All your real-life Gwent fantasies are coming true

Among the countless hours I spent playing CD Projekt RED’s sprawling open-world adventure The Witcher 3 (2015), too many of those were spent playing Gwent. Whether it was battling against random merchants or innkeepers, or challenging the best players of Novigrad in an effort to win a coveted card of my surrogate daughter, the seemingly simple card game of Gwent wasn’t just another side quest. Gwent transcended the tedious minigame trope and became something wholly enjoyable itself. I can see myself roaming the pubs of San Francisco to battle friends, as I once did in The Witcher 3’s Velen During Microsoft’s…

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Feature

Sympathy for the Spoon-Collector in The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine

“I like rusty spoons” whispers Salad Fingers, in his bizarre quavering voice, those ovular eyes pointed in precisely the opposite direction from each other. “I must find the perfect spoon.” Pleasingly creepy and unhinged, David Firth’s crudely-made web series appears, at this distance of a decade, as a fairly distinctive generational marker. That’s why it seems an unlikely coincidence when, in The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine, we find a creature with exactly the same desire. Holed away in a overgrown house is the Spoon Collector, a skeletal horror wracked by a supernatural curse that has it searching for the “perfect…

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In our favorite Obama story yet, the President shouts out The Witcher

Say what you will about President Obama, he is currently the world’s most prominent ambassador for the cultural legitimacy of videogames. That’s because on his recent visit to Poland, motherland of Witcher dev house CD Projekt RED, he gave a tip of the hat to everyone’s favorite action-heavy, decision-making RPG about a horse-riding warlock with a silver ponytail. “I’ve been told that it is a great example of Poland’s place in the new global economy,” said the President during his address, referring to the copy of The Witcher 2 the Polish Prime Minister Donal Tusk gave him on a previous…

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News

The Witcher 3 is a perfect case of why we need a replacement for horses.

Wednesday, the Polish developer CD Projekt RED announced The Witcher 3, the latest entry in their fantasy RPG series about a white-locked alchemist in a morally-ambivalent middle earth. But we’ve known it was coming since a week ago when some people on the internet found a secret message in the trailer for Cyberpunk 2077. In all the news that’s surfaced, the most vital is that it will take thirty to forty minutes to cross the world on horseback.  This is great, but not so great. – – – Don’t take this the wrong way. We have a large degree of…