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Ubisoft wants you to be a hacker … as long as you’re on their side

Ubisoft wants you to be a hacker … as long as you’re on their side

Hello, friend.

“Hello, friend?” That’s lame.

Maybe I should give you a name. But that’s a slippery slope. You’re only in my head. We have to remember that. Shit. It’s actually happened. I’m writing for an imaginary person.

What I’m about to tell you is weird. A conspiracy bigger than your average game marketing stunt. There’s a powerful demographic out there that is secretly running the technological world. I’m talking about the guys no one knows about. The guys that are invisible. The guys who play God without permission. And now I think you’re reading about them.

They’re coming for hacking. They’re making it into an esport.

This is about Watch Dogs 2. I should have gone to Angela’s birthday party. Instead I read up about the game’s rollout. Ubisoft is collaborating with Major League Hacking. They’re giving away copies of the game and trips to Montreal to meet the game’s developers to winners of hackathons.

There you are. Can you hear me? Are you listening? The corporations are everywhere. They’re coming for hacking. They’re making it into an esport. Like the TV shows weren’t enough. Everything’s a tie in, until we’re tied-in.

That’s when I noticed something strange. Hacking is a mainstream attraction again. Remember Swordfish? Remember when big companies decided to go all-in on subverting technology? They said they were on our side. But that didn’t work out. And so we’re doing this again. That’s why I’m here, talking to you.

Hacking is a mainstream attraction again.

Whoever’s in control of these tie-ins is also in control of information, and the companies are the ones in control of information. You’re doing research for them. They’ll own everything. All the files. All the data. Ubisoft wouldn’t look so kindly on hacking if it wasn’t towards their own ends. Have you tried pirating their games?

See, I normally deal out this kind of paranoia from my computer in the third person, but this time I wanted to do it AFK. In person. I’m trying to work on my social anxiety. And the companies, they’re coming for everything. Now, I’m being followed. The higher-ups don’t like someone with my social criticism powers. But I’m only a vigilante games critic by night. By day, just a regular editor. Employee number ER-280652.

The season finale of Mr. Robot airs Wednesday night on the USA Network.

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