Pregnant Sims can no longer "Brawl," and other hilarious patch notes from The Sims

People often ask why games aren’t more ambition with in terms of scope.

The reason is because things break. A lot. 

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Even with games that give you a good deal of agency, like Mass Effect or The Walking Dead, your path always pivots back into an overarching throughline. And when I profiled Ivan Belanszky for Issue 6, who has been working on the open-ended RPG Newcomer for around twenty years, mostly trying to eradicate thousands of bugs, it became obvious how the complexities can quickly multiply towards infinity.

So when you create a living, breathing ecosystem with millions of potential combinations, there are sure to be couple, um, outlier. And that’s what’s makes these patch notes from dollhouse simulator The Sims so absurdly moving:

A faint line is no longer visible on the heads of babies.

Fish are no longer duplicated in the fridge when moving homes.

Sims can no longer “Try for Baby” with the Grim Reaper.

Sims who are on fire will no longer be forced to attend graduation before they can put themselves out.

Children and Teens can no longer die from motive failure while on a Time Out.

Pianists will no longer continue playing pianos that have been detonated.

Sims will no longer receive a wish to “Skinny Dip” with Mummies.

Pregnant Sims can no longer “Brawl.”

Sims can no longer WooHoo in the Elevator with a Sim who is on a different floor.

Fixed an issue that caused Sims to leave their Toddler inside a bar at closing time.

The Grim Reaper will no longer be prevented from reaping souls due to band affiliation.

Kleptomaniac Sims can no longer steal Subway stations from lots.

Fixed a tuning issue so that Sims now vomit at acceptable levels.

The magical laundry bear Abracadabra will no longer block Sims from moving after disappearing

Tourist NPCs can now be impregnated.

Hear that, Sims players? Your Sim will no longer be persecuted for being a metal band. But his parents will still disapprove of it.