Happy Valentine’s Day, here’s a game where you make out with a bear

What can possibly be more romantic than French kissing a bear? Nothing, that’s what. But I doubt you’ll be able to find a bear in the wild woods that would accommodate your loving desire, so you better play The Lickening instead.

That’s right, you’ll want to gussy up your lips, secrete saliva from your glands, and stretch out your tongue as far as you can. This is the perfect game for a really disgusting Valentine’s Day, so grab a partner, a keyboard or a gamepad, and prepare to taste romance.

Seriously, though, you’ll need a partner to play The Lickening, unless you want to two-hand it yourself, which will only prove very awkward. You have my word on that.

gussy up your lips, secrete saliva from your glands, and stretch out your tongue as far as you can. 

Before you start tongue-dueling, your first task is to select your character from the Steve Buscemi-lipped cast on offer. There’s the dark-haired Jasper who likes settling down with a good book. Perhaps the brunette Matilda who apparently dislikes dinosaurs takes your fancy. Oh, and then there’s Clarence, the bear, whose favorite pastime is foraging (obviously).

Playing somewhat like a two-player, free-flowing Snake, you and your partner will then worm your tongues out from your rosy cheeks and attempt to avoid any collisions with your own tongue or your opponent’s. After only a matter of seconds the screen should be filled with glowing green and pink tongues (tip: make smart use of the screenwrap).

If you’re tactically minded you’ll employ the use of your tongue powers, which aren’t as impressive as that sounds—you can slow down or speed up the rate at which the tongue moves.

Eventually, one of you will crash the tip of your tongue, giving the other one a point. You can get a Draw if you crash tongues at the same time, which is an impressive feat, really. If you’ve ever kissed someone, you’ll probably know that co-ordinating tongue collisions like that is always an accident.

So, what do you say? I’m sure playing The Lickening will lighten up your Valentine’s Day romantics.

You can download The Lickening for free right here.